Good Riddance: The One with the big black eyes

Narrative:


Eeeek...


Ahhh....


Kill YOU!!


Die. You scum.



Sorrie. Just warming my vocal cords for some good ol' screaming later.



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The Story


I always get a sense of satisfaction when I kill something that isn't welcome in my room.



And I'm not talking about my dad.



Huh?



Okie. I admit. My room is not and will not be on the cover of any decorating magazine.



Neither does my room smell fabulous when I keep stashing week-old breakfast in my bags.



Okie okie so I admit that my room has the honour of housing some 'guests' in the past.



Well. except for cockroaches.



Unless my sister counts as one.



You know, cockroaches, I can handle.



Cuz they are like some nice piece of brainless cracker that cracks when you step really hard on them and magically, they are gone forever.



Lizards are another matter all together.



First, they are smart and most women would agree with me that they are smarter than most men *cough*



For one, they are smart enough to move out of harm's way.. erm unlike ignorant men and lizards, I tell you move at the speed of lightning.



And what makes them so special is that cold slimy lizards come in different colours! Unlike stinky brown mr cockroach.



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Scene One:


The other day I was in bed, about to doze off into lalaland when suddenly I sensed a movement in one corner of my room.



Sensing that something else in the room was using up my share of good ol' oxygen and thus depriving me of good clean air, I switched on my bedside lamp.



There it was. Trying to blend into my lilac coloured wall, was a 3 inch scum with the biggest blackest eyes I have seen on any other lizards, dead or alive.



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Codename: The scum
Alias: Black eye Lizzie
Abilities: Climb vertical surface, sense danger telepathically, blend into surroundings, discards its tail at will and ability to swim

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Eeek... I gave a short teeny tiny scream of anger, horror... whatever and despair becuz it was already 3.30am



Sensing danger, the scum frozen and began one of its longest staring contest held with a human bean.



I was so mad with anger with the invasion of my privacy that I stood rooted to the ground...




Okie maybe i was just a teeny weeny petrified.



Just a little.



Okie. More den I would like to admit.



Hey.. I was defenseless ok. Sleepy and tired (+sexy). Damsels in distress are SEXY OK.




I took a step forward, trying to scare the lizard into going out of my room and hopefully into my sister's but it backfired.



So instead, the scum crawled and hid in my clothes.



Ok, up to this point, I was ready to scream my battle cry. You would too. If you see a scum CLINGING onto your clothes.



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Scene of crime (Summary):

Point 1: Where the Scum was first spotted
Point 2: Area where the Scum took refuge in my clothes.... and no, that is not a bra


*Identities of clothes will be kept secret and identities have been changed and washed..


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Scene Two:


I was so mad that I threw my highlighter which by the way is the closest thing, in the direction of where the scum was taking refuge, hoping to scare him into surrendering.


No movement. What-so-ever.



So I threw my expensive Pilot Hi-Tecpoint pen.



And den my mechanical pencil.



And highlighter number 2 too



And soon the entire contents of my pencil case was on the floor near the door...



I was defenceless once again




Den out of nowhere, he called/sang to me.



My knight in shining armour.. erm... glossy paper



My poster of Jay chou.




My own lightsaber* to battle evil


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Codename: Knight on glossy paper
Alias: Zhou Dong
Abilities: Play the piano (at least in person), act cool, help damsel in distress to transport clothes to the toilet

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Scene Three:



So I hooked my clothes (the scum still clinging onto them) with my knight in glossy paper.



And I strutted smugly to the toilet. Bent on revenge.




Red bucket: Filled with water to the brim



Ok I think you should know what I was going to do. I shall spare you the grizzly details.



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Scene Four:



My eyes glazed over with sadistic satisfaction as I see the clothes sink rapidly in water. I stood there waiting for proof that the scum was no more.



Seconds passed.



And right before my very eyes (with dark eye circles), the scum was SWIMMING to the surface



Do you know how freaky it looks? I was so freaked out that:


1) I tossed and turned in bed for about an hour after this, unable to get the image out of my mind
2) I still get goosebumps talking about it
3) I shrieked 'eeek' and woke up my mum



Before I knew it, the bloody scum leaped out of the bucket on landed on the bathroom floor.



I SWEAR it must be some sort of superhero in its previous life.



Den mum walked over sleepily, face all scrunched up, asking me what was i playing with.



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Codename: Xena the warrior housewife
Alias: Fearless Mummy (except for spiders)
Abilities: Cook fabulous food, sing ktv, keep the house spotless (except for my room), make children shake in their pants/panties & kill ALL insects

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I scrunched up my face too, when I heard her asked me what was I playing with at close to 4am.



I pointed to the scum, lying weakly on the floor.



With the air of an army general, or xena the warrior housewife, she made me go fetch the hot water flask.



I tell you, rock hard cooked lizards are not a very children-friendly sight. What's more when the lizard has big, black, cooked eyes...



So my bed-time story for you children ends here. As the damsel lives yet another happy insect-free day.



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I love you mummy. For all the insects you have helped me killed *beam* in the middle of the night.



If someone want to nominate me for Nobel Prize. Call me lah.


Lizards CAN swim. Affirmative.