Today is a saturday afternoon.



I'm sitting in front of the pc, with my msn on offline mode, waiting patiently for Mr Wei to be done with his IPPT test at Bedok.



IPPT = Individual Physical Proficiency Test



Although I did spot a faint outline of muscles the other time I met up with him, I think he's going to fail miserably for his test.



Just now, I nearly peed in my shorts when I read Nana's blog about $300 for rental of convocation gown plus refreshment for 2 guests.



In protest, I'm going to do one of the following:



1) Turn up naked, instigate my frens to turn up naked as well and staged a major protest outside SIM


2) Gate crash in my oldest, smelliest pajamas with bolster in tow


3) Turn out in formal wear, pretend to be the guests of frens who have rental the gowns and hover around the buffet tables like a housefly.


4) Pay the $300, gorge myself sick on salmon sushi during the buffet, after which I will steal a Koi & kope some toilet napkins home after the ceremony to make up for the $300



Note: Should you want to talk about doing charity during your interviews, you can tell your interviewer that you contributed to our school's Feed the Kois fund for two bloody whole years.



I'm SO NOT going to attend my own graduation if I have to fork out that sum of money. Even if my parents fork out this money.



And I can't believe that people have forked out money for this too.



Like how people say, marriage is once in a lifetime so must make it grand blah blah blah.



Marriage could happen twice or thrice in a lifetime too wat.



So what if I can only experience graduation once in my lifetime? Look small me ah you.



When the day I regret not being able to wear a convocation gown comes, I will go wrap myself in a big, shapless cloth (eg curtain) to suppress this regret.






For $300 bloody dollars, I can:


1) Go for 30 K-Lunches at Kbox and sing myself hoarse


2) Loan it out to my always-on-credit fren and receive interest over time [Good Idea]


3) Treat my frens to dinner twice [Wishful thinking on your parts]


4) Gorge myself silly at Pariss International Seafood Buffet and still have change left for shopping



All in all, for $300, I can doll up myself in pretty dresses as compared to a convocation gown which I NOE WILL LOOK HORRIBLE ON ME.



I mean who has ever looked pretty wrapped in blue curtains. Not me.



Modern life is rubbish. Plus crappy. Not to mention expensive.

Becuz CMJ responded to my last posting which made me believe/happy that there are still living souls out there reading my blog, I have decided to blog again for the second time today.

Give her your thanks too. In fact give your thanks to both Mr and Mrs Lee who both inspired me to write today.



Today I'm going to provide you with some excitment from your drabby boring life.



In case you think that race queens are champion marathon runners, they are not.



They are actually a group of professionals - I stressed the word professional becuz their job is to look professionally gorgeous at events such as car shows where absolutely nobody cares about looking at cars at all.



I noe how hard it is to look professionally gorgeous becuz every morning I wake up looking like shit. Literally.



Before I go any further, I would like to add a disclaimer in case you know some people cannot take my level of sarcastic wit - that is basically bullshit in plain english for you.

Disclaimer: I don't hate race queens and drag queens. Nor do I have anything against butches and butchers. And not all race queens are professional gorgeous. I have to admit some are not gorgeous at all.

Race queens are usually strategically employed at events where participants are mainly hormones-charged human beans.



I refrain from referring to hormones-charged human beans as males becuz:



1) Although technically they can't corner me in the toilet, I could still get stoned by men on the streets


2) There are females who loves to ogle race queens too.



I seldom refer to this group of females as butches, becuz butches make me think of the wet market and pork chop.



So in my teeny dictionary, these breast binding happy people who want to be men but are still using the female toilet will be called he-she or manly women.



Anyway back to race queens, being a race queen is very hard and grueling work.




Why I cannot be a Race Queen:



1) Killer Heels


They are not called killer heels for nothing. High heels are the number one killer for race queens although there is no scientific prove. Yet.




2) Lecherous Men


Leery teenage boys, young working males, middle aged uncles and old men (above 80yrs old but havent die) looking, drooling, leering and ogling.



You can never imagine how uncomfortable it is being ogled by middle aged uncles and old men. If you want to try, you can come to the bus stop opposite my place where the illegal 'poultry' flock to every sunday.



Uncles and old men of all age, size and looks gather there to choose the best poultry meat everyday sunday.



However, if middle age uncles and old men look anything like Anthony wong or Harrison ford, ogling is perfectly fine.




Hamsome old buggers.



Which reminded me that I watched a bunch of old buggers on CNA battle it out for the next olympic venue for one hour today. Shit. I could have been exercising with my heavy bolster in bed.




3) Striking poses


Ok. I admit. I'm not cut out to be the next big thing/loser on TV. So I pretty much suck at posing.



Get your bloody hand out of my face dude.



Forgive me. But that's my most hated pose. Besides idiots, who poses like that?



Race queens are another matter all together. Becuz most race queens are hot, nobody cares if they look silly in a pose.




Which was why I said nobody is there to look at the poor cars




All they want to see is some free show. Mama Mia!




Try harder lah buddy.




So you see, race queens are pretty much in demand when it comes to picture taking. These pictures usually serve as 'appreciation' (also known as wanking) pictures for hormones-charged males. So these girls better know how to pose sexily which I have no clue about.





My only sexy pose.




4) Million dollar outfit



Everybody knows that convention halls are freezer cold.



Insulated skimpy wear. Every self respecting eskimo should own one.



I'm afraid of the cold.



5) Miles of Legs (the lack of it)




Excuse me, what did your mama feed you?



The sad fact that my legs are vertically challenged makes me an unsuitable candidate to be a race queen.



And becuz it is a sad fact - very sad fact - we are not going to talk about it today :(




6) Familiar faces


Although Singapore is a very very big country and the chances of you running into people you know is probably zilch, there could still be a slim chance seeing people you know.







Nahh.. How can be so lucky rite?



7) Xiao Ren (translates literally into small people)



Besides have to endure leery human beans the whole day, race queens also have to endure stupid bloggers who post their pictures up on blogs.


Nahh.. How can be so lucky again rite?

p/s special thanks to nana and looloo

Fat Face Alert

The last time I wrote about anything seemed like millions of years ago.



And today, Mr Lee inspired me to blog a little so you can give him your thanks.



Mr Wei is currently at a place where there is free lodging and food everyday.



No, not the jail but he will be in reservist for about 2 weeks. Commando(s) no less.



So in 2 weeks time:



1) I can play unlimited Maple. YEAH!


2) There is no naggy boyfriend to nag and complain that I'm a better gamer than him. YEAH!


3 At the end 2 weeks, I will have a tone-r boyfriend. YEAH!




It is things like these that makes me love the government. I LOVE YOU, Singapore government!!



Not that Mr Wei is growing horizontally. He is not. But it has been awhile since I see and feel any muscles. Well... I better stop talking about Mr Wei's upper half body muscles before he gets angry.



Lets talk about his lower half body 'muscle'.



Kidding.



If not Mr Wei will get angry that I talk about his lower half body 'muscle'.



Hiyo. I mean his very perky butt. PERKY. By the way, I noe EC has tried to sneak a look before.



Thats why Mr Wei is angry.



Becuz he feels that NOT enuff people has tried to sneak a look at his PERKY butt.



Keep up the good work, EC.



So basically I will be rotting at home the whole of this time and I have no frens or my frens are as broke as me, or that my frens prefer to rush home after meeting up for awhile.



Oh no I'm not talking about anyone in particular man



Lazying around at home and having my fat ass stuck on the chair the whole day is making my face fat.



Genetically I have to thank smooth operator for my fat face structure but I have to admit that the 2 piece of fatty meat I call my cheeks are actually digested carrot cake.



I used to be plumpish. With triple or quadruplet chins. I can't remember becuz it was such a traumatic experience. If anybody ask me to prove with pictures, I will have to kill them - to silence witnesses.



This could also be why I dun have any remaining frens. Cuz they are all dead.



Can someone please ask me out to exercise? The only exercise I get around the house is to move my heavy bolster around my bed. AND I try to do this exercise twice a day, around 5pm and around 3am BUT it is NOT working.



Did you manage to catch the new Jacelyn Tay health talkshow? I can't believe she looked so radiant. Her skin is glowing LOR. WHY AM I NOT LIKE THAT?!



I read from this month's Her World that for SAFE and gradual dieting/weight loss - take your weight X 22



For example, I'm 72kg (NEVER!)



So it will be 72 X 22 = 1584 calories. That is the amount of calories you should take a day to gradually lose weight.



Sometimes I wonder about young women's obsession to stay skinny but after they get married and give birth to children, they seemed to have lost this obsession.



On the way to meet Mr Wei at Tampenis yesterday, I made the above observation when a plump auntie 'sat on' my lap in her haste to secure the bloody MRT seat. Mind you, it was 60 odd kg on a 42kg young girl.



If I'm ever married and if I'm able to bear children, I will include in a contract that for having to squeeze a watermelon out from below, I will expect my husband to full subsidise slimming sessions at Maria France Bodyline.



And if I don't look anything like Christy Chung, I will sue my husband and Maria France Bodyline.



p/s Anyway I said I will photoblog Liloo's birthday right? I havent gotten around to do it. Man, I dont even have time to brush my teeth on some days. I cant photoblog too much about Liloo's birthday becuz not everybody would be like CMJ, who loves to be featured in my photoblog you know.