Singapore Sweat Ball

Oh so soon.



A week has passed and it's Friday Blog Fever again.



It's not so much of a blog fever but a temperature hike today.



It's Friday night man and I was out mingling and rubbing shoulders with 2 million of Singapore's SWEATY population on Orchard yet again.



It was SO damn BLOODY humid that my armpits are threatening to turn into MacRitchie reserviour.



I spent 24 oops i mean 18 years 74 months trying to get used to the heat but let me tell you, I think I still need another 50 years to get used to being in the oven perpetually.



I'm extremely whiny about the WEATHER becuz


1) it gives me a headache


2) sweaty people equal to a lot of stinky people out there roaming the streets


3) princess can't be sweaty, I tell you




The weather is SO hot, that I think strolling down orchard naked will not solve the problem.



Don't tell me to stop whining about the bloody weather becuz this is my bloody blog and it is so hot my mouse and keyboard are getting sticky and I’m getting irritated by the heat.



Don't remind me that other countries like India have got it worse becuz I can't wear a Sari or Sarong to parade down Orchard road and I DON'T INTEND TO.



And my hammie is ignoring me becuz it's so hot so I thought that it was DEAD (heat stroke) and I panicked and screamed like a fool for my sister to come and take a look.



And now hammie has the privilege of having a fan all to himself, cooling his sweaty fur all day.




Hammie trying to get closer to the cooling fan...




So I proposed the Singapore government build an entire air-conditioned shield over the entire Singapore and transform it into a mammoth gigantic fully air-conditioned nation.



I tell you. This is like the best thing I have ever thought of since 1981.



Since my mum gave birth to me.



I tell you why there is a need to do away with this gigantic sauna we call Singapore.




1) For the good of mankind in general...



Well at least for Singaporeans.



There's no need for ALL Singaporeans to suffer in this heat.



Hairy Singaporeans will no doubt be glad about this piece of news.



Ah meng will be very happy too.





2) More construction = more jobs...



More construction will create more jobs and in turn reduce unemployment and people will increase their expenditure and in turn create more marketing and market research jobs which ayam, dajie and me will be very grateful to the government for.





3) Attract more tourists...



I have to speak up for hairy Caucasian tourists whose fur or sometimes known as hair traps sweat, dirt and if lucky some houseflies.



Heat absolutely dulls the full of exploring Singapore LOR.



Have you tried wearing a fur suit bearing a 40kg backpack?



Even Superman would have died of a heat stroke in Singapore and that's probably why Batman has never considered migrating to Singapore becuz his outfit is in black.



Nobody, including Superman & Fatman like being a walking sweat ball.



So cooler environment = more tourists as they are not put off by the heat.



Also, since they don't have to sweat a MacRitchie reserviour just to walk from Cineleisure to Takashimaya, tourists will be HAPPY



And HAPPY equals to increase shopping activities.



MORE shopping contributes to the economy which reduces unemployment which increased domestic spending which results in more marketing and market research jobs for ayam, dajie and me.



Also more tourists will pay a visit to the neighbourhood hawker centres and patronised more al fresco dinner since they no longer have to taste their own sweat in their food.



This will mean that Singapore will need MORE hawkers and MORE university graduates can choose to be a hawker after they get their precious degrees.



To note, graduates who are not able to find a job in the long term (such as us) can opt to don the aprons for the rest of their lives.



Imagine that sense of satisfaction when you hang your precious degree at your hawker stall.



Yippy! Excuse me while I prefect the skill of egg frying..





4) There will be less obesity...



Erm... Sounds illogical but it's TRUE!!



The heat just makes me feel drowsy like a drunken sailor = me taking MORE afternoon naps



Also results in ---> everyone putting off exercising ---> results in obesity



To prove my point.



Just check out the number of muscular men, gay men, fag men and normal women who prefer to jog on their treadmills at the gym nearest to you.



I tell you pampered Singaporeans just want to exercise in nice cooled recycled stinky air lah.





4) NEWater Literally!!



New source of Water: Air conditioners give out water or whatever liquid you called that.



Before you say eeeew, may I remind you that you are already drinking recycled water.



So can you imagine the amount of liquid a gigantic air conditioner can generate that we can consumed?



I say SUCK my TOES lah Malaysia!!



Oops...





5) Shield against Nuclear Bombing..




Oops.. sorry. Forgot we are not next to North Korea.



Not that it will happen any time soon.




I hope only relevant authorities are considering my proposal..




I’m sick of feeling sticky, sweaty and sick of sitting next to sticky, sweaty and stinky NS men, school children, teenagers, fat men and old uncles which basically constitutes 65% of the population already.



Amen.



Disclamier to tourists: The Singapore Sweat Ball is in no way related to the Singapore Sling. Thank You.