Race Queens
Becuz CMJ responded to my last posting which made me believe/happy that there are still living souls out there reading my blog, I have decided to blog again for the second time today.
Give her your thanks too. In fact give your thanks to both Mr and Mrs Lee who both inspired me to write today.
Today I'm going to provide you with some excitment from your drabby boring life.
In case you think that race queens are champion marathon runners, they are not.
They are actually a group of professionals - I stressed the word professional becuz their job is to look professionally gorgeous at events such as car shows where absolutely nobody cares about looking at cars at all.
I noe how hard it is to look professionally gorgeous becuz every morning I wake up looking like shit. Literally.
Before I go any further, I would like to add a disclaimer in case you know some people cannot take my level of sarcastic wit - that is basically bullshit in plain english for you.
Race queens are usually strategically employed at events where participants are mainly hormones-charged human beans.
I refrain from referring to hormones-charged human beans as males becuz:
1) Although technically they can't corner me in the toilet, I could still get stoned by men on the streets
2) There are females who loves to ogle race queens too.
I seldom refer to this group of females as butches, becuz butches make me think of the wet market and pork chop.
So in my teeny dictionary, these breast binding happy people who want to be men but are still using the female toilet will be called he-she or manly women.
Anyway back to race queens, being a race queen is very hard and grueling work.
Why I cannot be a Race Queen:
1) Killer Heels
They are not called killer heels for nothing. High heels are the number one killer for race queens although there is no scientific prove. Yet.
2) Lecherous Men
Leery teenage boys, young working males, middle aged uncles and old men (above 80yrs old but havent die) looking, drooling, leering and ogling.
You can never imagine how uncomfortable it is being ogled by middle aged uncles and old men. If you want to try, you can come to the bus stop opposite my place where the illegal 'poultry' flock to every sunday.
Uncles and old men of all age, size and looks gather there to choose the best poultry meat everyday sunday.
However, if middle age uncles and old men look anything like Anthony wong or Harrison ford, ogling is perfectly fine.
Hamsome old buggers.
Which reminded me that I watched a bunch of old buggers on CNA battle it out for the next olympic venue for one hour today. Shit. I could have been exercising with my heavy bolster in bed.
3) Striking poses
Ok. I admit. I'm not cut out to be the next big thing/loser on TV. So I pretty much suck at posing.
Get your bloody hand out of my face dude.
Forgive me. But that's my most hated pose. Besides idiots, who poses like that?
Race queens are another matter all together. Becuz most race queens are hot, nobody cares if they look silly in a pose.
Which was why I said nobody is there to look at the poor cars
All they want to see is some free show. Mama Mia!
Try harder lah buddy.
So you see, race queens are pretty much in demand when it comes to picture taking. These pictures usually serve as 'appreciation' (also known as wanking) pictures for hormones-charged males. So these girls better know how to pose sexily which I have no clue about.
My only sexy pose.
4) Million dollar outfit
Everybody knows that convention halls are freezer cold.
Insulated skimpy wear. Every self respecting eskimo should own one.
I'm afraid of the cold.
5) Miles of Legs (the lack of it)
Excuse me, what did your mama feed you?
The sad fact that my legs are vertically challenged makes me an unsuitable candidate to be a race queen.
And becuz it is a sad fact - very sad fact - we are not going to talk about it today :(
6) Familiar faces
Although Singapore is a very very big country and the chances of you running into people you know is probably zilch, there could still be a slim chance seeing people you know.
Nahh.. How can be so lucky rite?
7) Xiao Ren (translates literally into small people)
Besides have to endure leery human beans the whole day, race queens also have to endure stupid bloggers who post their pictures up on blogs.
Nahh.. How can be so lucky again rite?
Today I'm going to provide you with some excitment from your drabby boring life.
In case you think that race queens are champion marathon runners, they are not.
They are actually a group of professionals - I stressed the word professional becuz their job is to look professionally gorgeous at events such as car shows where absolutely nobody cares about looking at cars at all.
I noe how hard it is to look professionally gorgeous becuz every morning I wake up looking like shit. Literally.
Before I go any further, I would like to add a disclaimer in case you know some people cannot take my level of sarcastic wit - that is basically bullshit in plain english for you.
Disclaimer: I don't hate race queens and drag queens. Nor do I have anything against butches and butchers. And not all race queens are professional gorgeous. I have to admit some are not gorgeous at all.
Race queens are usually strategically employed at events where participants are mainly hormones-charged human beans.
I refrain from referring to hormones-charged human beans as males becuz:
1) Although technically they can't corner me in the toilet, I could still get stoned by men on the streets
2) There are females who loves to ogle race queens too.
I seldom refer to this group of females as butches, becuz butches make me think of the wet market and pork chop.
So in my teeny dictionary, these breast binding happy people who want to be men but are still using the female toilet will be called he-she or manly women.
Anyway back to race queens, being a race queen is very hard and grueling work.
Why I cannot be a Race Queen:
1) Killer Heels
They are not called killer heels for nothing. High heels are the number one killer for race queens although there is no scientific prove. Yet.
2) Lecherous Men
Leery teenage boys, young working males, middle aged uncles and old men (above 80yrs old but havent die) looking, drooling, leering and ogling.
You can never imagine how uncomfortable it is being ogled by middle aged uncles and old men. If you want to try, you can come to the bus stop opposite my place where the illegal 'poultry' flock to every sunday.
Uncles and old men of all age, size and looks gather there to choose the best poultry meat everyday sunday.
However, if middle age uncles and old men look anything like Anthony wong or Harrison ford, ogling is perfectly fine.
Hamsome old buggers.
Which reminded me that I watched a bunch of old buggers on CNA battle it out for the next olympic venue for one hour today. Shit. I could have been exercising with my heavy bolster in bed.
3) Striking poses
Ok. I admit. I'm not cut out to be the next big thing/loser on TV. So I pretty much suck at posing.
Get your bloody hand out of my face dude.
Forgive me. But that's my most hated pose. Besides idiots, who poses like that?
Race queens are another matter all together. Becuz most race queens are hot, nobody cares if they look silly in a pose.
Which was why I said nobody is there to look at the poor cars
All they want to see is some free show. Mama Mia!
Try harder lah buddy.
So you see, race queens are pretty much in demand when it comes to picture taking. These pictures usually serve as 'appreciation' (also known as wanking) pictures for hormones-charged males. So these girls better know how to pose sexily which I have no clue about.
My only sexy pose.
4) Million dollar outfit
Everybody knows that convention halls are freezer cold.
Insulated skimpy wear. Every self respecting eskimo should own one.
I'm afraid of the cold.
5) Miles of Legs (the lack of it)
Excuse me, what did your mama feed you?
The sad fact that my legs are vertically challenged makes me an unsuitable candidate to be a race queen.
And becuz it is a sad fact - very sad fact - we are not going to talk about it today :(
6) Familiar faces
Although Singapore is a very very big country and the chances of you running into people you know is probably zilch, there could still be a slim chance seeing people you know.
Nahh.. How can be so lucky rite?
7) Xiao Ren (translates literally into small people)
Besides have to endure leery human beans the whole day, race queens also have to endure stupid bloggers who post their pictures up on blogs.
Nahh.. How can be so lucky again rite?
p/s special thanks to nana and looloo